word

Temporary fix

The best one – and the first one that comes to mind: Cleaning my room by shoving everything into the closet.

It clearly solves the situation right away, but it’s only temporary. It’s obvious that the second I open the closet I will see the mess, I feel be bothered by it when I start looking for stuff and at some point the closet will overflow and the mess will pile out.

While battling anxiety and depression for over a year now, I’ve felt some of the same things as with the closet and cleaning up.

I’ve learnt how to deal – and how to temporarily get better. I’ve found out how to shove my feelings aside and hide them, but the problem is that it is not a permanent solution. It is temporary. At some point the stuff will come out, it will overflow – pile out. I wont be able to hide my feelings forever – I wasn’t. Stuff came out and I had to deal with it all. Try at least.

The big improvement for me is still yet to come – but I’m hoping it will come soon! The important thing is that I’m working on it – working on learning how to deal with the mess and not just stuff it into the closet.

It’s still a work in progress though – and I’m still very glad that I have space in my closet to keep things from everyone else.

 

Exposed (part one maybe?)

How private are you guys?

I’m a very private person – except, I guess, on this blog. I don’t open up very easily and I really need to trust people before letting them know any personal stuff.

I think it comes down to a control issue for me. I want to be in control as much as I possibly can, also when it comes to which people know what about me. And I might also have to admit that I also like to control what part of me people see – so that I can control part of what they think of me, if at all possible.

I don’t want people to see me fail. Failing is too close to being a failure. Except, it’s not! It is one example of how my brain works against my feelings. Cause I know that one fail – or even several wont make you a failure, but often, a fail will make me feel like a failure.

When people see stuff like that in me, it makes me feel exposed. Very exposed. Like they’ve been let in to see more than I’ve allowed, more than I can handle. More than I can control. That makes me uncomfortable. Being exposed.

It makes me vulnerable and fragile. And it ruins my control.

Get more energy!

About tricking myself into thinking I have more energy than I actually do.

How do you get more energy? Well.. First there’s the whole thing about calories being energy so naturally that will mean that if you eat you get energy. I guess that’s a good step one.

Step two is smiling. When you smile everything becomes a little bit easier. In this case, easier to pretend – easier to step up.

Step three is to take action instead of over thinking. Instead of planning everything, for instance what you will wear, what you will eat and so on; go straight to the closet and pick something out quickly. Either the top of the stack (odds are you have worn it recently and like it since it’s at the top) or simply take yesterday’s clothes from the floor and put on. The floor is usually where I keep the clothes from the previous day.

Next step, step four, is an extra step I take sometimes: dolling myself up. That means adding perfume, makeup and doing my hair a little bit. It doesn’t have to be fancy or beautiful – it’s enough to have made a little bit of an effort, it livens up my face – my mood and therefore raises my energy.
These are my tips on how to trick mind and body into raising it’s energy levels and performing with more energy. Please let me know if you’ve got your own ideas for steps that I can try, cause I will admit that my steps aren’t 100% effective all the time 😉

 

 

Went looking for sunshine

– guess where I found it?

It’s an early morning – too early. Actually I havn’t been to bed yet. These last few days night and day have been switched around for me, no particular reason why. It just happens.

But since I was up, I decided to go see the sunrise. I wanted to see when the grey night turned into the colorful day. But I live too low, there are too many buildings and fences and trees around me, so I went on a walk to see it. Walked for a while to the highest point I know, only to finally get there and realise that it was surrounded by even higher buildings, so I could see even less than at my own place.

I was feeling rather sad about this – more than I thought i would. Tears were actually starting to run down my cheeks as I walked back. I don’t know why. Didn’t understand my own feelings, I was just so sad. So upset. Disappointed.

And then. Then as I took the turn into the road where I live suddenly I was bathed in orange light and I saw by shadow on the ground in front of me stretch out far.
I turned around, and there, there was the sun, just rising up above some trees and clouds in the horizon. And I smiled.

I’m not sure if there’s some big life lesson to be learned about this. If doesn’t come to you right in the way and the place you want, to stop looking around so desperately for it, and instead be patient and let time take it’s course? Maybe not. But either way, today I got what I wanted, even if it was right there I started out looking for it.

2017-04-26 06.02.55.jpg

When dealing with depression and anxiety

It’s been a while coming. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for maybe 3 years – one of which I’ve known what I was up against.

I think maybe I’m getting to the spot where I do actually know a lot about what my struggle is. Not necessarily why, but I know what signs to look out for and how to protect myself.

It’s a key part to getting better, at least that’s what I believe. It’s easier to fight a known enemy, than one you don’t know. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy at all though. It’s taken time for me to accept that and sometimes I wonder if I’ve even done that yet.

Acceptance is a big step. Accepting that I’m weak. I am not as strong as I thought and all the times I’ve though “that wont happen to me” – they just don’t matter anymore, cause guess what, it did happen. And now it’s time to accept it, give in and start fighting back.

Something about weight-loss

“How to lose weight with minimal effort”  – see, that’s a book I would read!
Unfortunately for myself and my body, I have lots of things on my mind, and losing weight is only one of them. It’s not even the top one. But I still gotta do it.
Therefore I have sometimes wondered about the easiest way to lose weight, I’ve tried to find the trick on how to cheat my body and spent hours online searching for the easiest way to lose weight, the fastest way to lose weight and to find the secret behind weight-loss.

I’ve come to realise one thing though. It’s not a trick. Not a secret. It’s math. It’s about calories. It’s about consuming and burning calories. And the point is, if you burn more than you consume then you’ll lose weight. It’s that simple.

So stop looking for the easy way out. The easiest way to weight-loss is what you make it out to be. If you lose 100 grams a week it’s still losing weight and it’s not as hard as you might think.
But take my advice, and stop trying to look for the perfect way and just get started on what you know.