sun

Does the sun bring expectation?

Here’s a thought….

In winter it is almost expected that you snuggle up under the blanket and binge movies or shows.

In summer you’re expected to go out – get tan, enjoy the weather and so on.

 

I have had many negative experiences during summertime. Or what I remember as negatives. People commenting on how pale I was. People judging me for not wearing shorts. Getting annoying comments because I wanted to watch sport events on tv (Tour de France, Football championships, the Olympics ..). Feeling uncomfortable in my bathing suit because I was overweight. Getting the weird eyebrow-twitch from people when they hear the fact that I don’t particular enjoy the ocean or the beach.

Basically summer brings a lot of things that make me feel like people are judging me. Like they’re not understanding my feelings or they simply don’t respect my opinions. I feel like those things has made me evolve negative feelings towards the season in general. As summer gets closer the expectations grow bigger too. Go out. Don’t hide at home. Lose some clothes. Lose some weight. Get some sun.

I don’t think people mean bad, but it is hard for them to understand that I don’t share the excitement that they feel.

I don’t have a huge conclusion to this. It was just a thought I’ve been having lately. The only thing that I feel is right to end this now, is the wish that I – and you reading this – will learn from it. Respect and listen to each other and don’t force our own feelings upon someone else.

Went looking for sunshine

– guess where I found it?

It’s an early morning – too early. Actually I havn’t been to bed yet. These last few days night and day have been switched around for me, no particular reason why. It just happens.

But since I was up, I decided to go see the sunrise. I wanted to see when the grey night turned into the colorful day. But I live too low, there are too many buildings and fences and trees around me, so I went on a walk to see it. Walked for a while to the highest point I know, only to finally get there and realise that it was surrounded by even higher buildings, so I could see even less than at my own place.

I was feeling rather sad about this – more than I thought i would. Tears were actually starting to run down my cheeks as I walked back. I don’t know why. Didn’t understand my own feelings, I was just so sad. So upset. Disappointed.

And then. Then as I took the turn into the road where I live suddenly I was bathed in orange light and I saw by shadow on the ground in front of me stretch out far.
I turned around, and there, there was the sun, just rising up above some trees and clouds in the horizon. And I smiled.

I’m not sure if there’s some big life lesson to be learned about this. If doesn’t come to you right in the way and the place you want, to stop looking around so desperately for it, and instead be patient and let time take it’s course? Maybe not. But either way, today I got what I wanted, even if it was right there I started out looking for it.

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