success

Presentation with anxiety – did it!

I made it through! I did my presentation. I was nervous and I felt like a mess. But I did it!

I pretty much had the whole day free before going – but after not getting any sleep between Wednesday and Thursday I spent a lot of the day sleeping. Like.. A lot. And the time I were awake I just felt my nerves going higher and higher. So I went back to bed again and had a nap before having to get ready to go.

I had cake for dinner. Not a great idea for someone who’s trying to lose a lot of weight – but because I napped I didn’t have time to make my dinner, so it was my only option really. And then I left.
At this point I was fairly nervous. A lot. And didn’t want to leave. But I did. I had spoken to both my sister, mum and bestie that day and they all believed in me, and bestie reminded me how much I like being with these people once I get past the first, hardest part.

So I went outside. And there was snow everywhere! And it was so pretty it might have been a dream. And it made me smile. Maybe one of the only times that day. And I went..

I sat there.. I small talked.. I had a glass of water and listened to other people giving their presentations about how things were going and then it was my turn. And it went as good as it could have. I hesitated a bunch of times and felt insecure about my voice and unsure if I was communicating the right things that I wanted – but I did it!

I felt nervous and my heart was beating out of my chest and my face was flushed and kinda sweaty – but I did it! I had done it! And there were only two small questions after, both which I could easily answer. And then I sat back down and was met by comforting and proud faces, telling me I’d gone a great job.

Honestly I didn’t feel like I had myself, but I’d done it and that was enough. Later came more reassuring. They thought I’d been amazing and had done everything I’d said would be hard for me. They high-fived me later and I started feeling proud of myself – cause YES! I had done it! I did it. I feared – but I conquered. And now I feel proud too.

The night turned out really good in the end, the four of us talking till way past midnight and I have gotten a bit closer to these people, or some of them, and now feel a little more secure with them. Baby steps. But steps no less.

Victory.

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First proper workout in 2017!

Finally it happened! I’ve had good reasons for not going to the gym yet, but the last 8-10 days I’ve actually been ready to go again, and yet I haven’t actually gone. Until today.

I feel so proud of myself. Originally I was gonna go tomorrow with my sister, but I was just kinda in the mood today, so I made myself get my ass out of here. And guys, it feels so good sitting at home now, knowing I’ve done it.

I worked out for an hour – and even though I wasn’t really feeling it after the first half hour I kept going. I’m not the type of person who actually enjoys the workout a ton while doing it, but once I’m done I always feel proud of myself. Actually, today is the first time I did a pre-set program on the treadmill – I’ve aways been too scared to do that. But I did it! I could handle it and I finished the 30 minutes it lasted!!

It’s hard to go out with my anxiety – especially this time, cause at christmas the center had a remodelling so everything was different. I didn’t like walking around and not finding the usual machines, and not knowing the settings on the new ones. But I went with baby steps and took my time. I didn’t pressure myself and I tried not to care if anyone were watching me and seeing that I did things wrong.