light

Being scared

It’s funny actually. I was writing a post where I mentioned that I hate feeling scared. And then I remembered something I watched today on an episode of Grey’s anatomy. A little girl had a very interesting line. That when she felt scared, she wasn’t supposed to hide under the covers of her bed – she had to turn on the lights to make scary go away.

In general it means not just to try to deal with the scary stuff – but find a way to make the scary thing go away. Not accept it – but find a way to change it. Afraid of the dark – you turn on the light. Afraid of being alone – you find someone to be with.

It can sound like an easy fix, and in some cases an unhealthy way to deal with things, cause if you always keep the light on, you will never actually adjust to darkness. If you’re scared of being alone and always hang out with someone you will never learn how to deal with being alone. But it’s not what the quote means, it just means that you should do something about the situation and not just sit back in acceptance.

I better learn from what I just wrote… not just hide. Not just keep busy, but find a way to get the scary feeling to go away. Well. Easier said than done, but knowing is a good place to start.

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Went looking for sunshine

– guess where I found it?

It’s an early morning – too early. Actually I havn’t been to bed yet. These last few days night and day have been switched around for me, no particular reason why. It just happens.

But since I was up, I decided to go see the sunrise. I wanted to see when the grey night turned into the colorful day. But I live too low, there are too many buildings and fences and trees around me, so I went on a walk to see it. Walked for a while to the highest point I know, only to finally get there and realise that it was surrounded by even higher buildings, so I could see even less than at my own place.

I was feeling rather sad about this – more than I thought i would. Tears were actually starting to run down my cheeks as I walked back. I don’t know why. Didn’t understand my own feelings, I was just so sad. So upset. Disappointed.

And then. Then as I took the turn into the road where I live suddenly I was bathed in orange light and I saw by shadow on the ground in front of me stretch out far.
I turned around, and there, there was the sun, just rising up above some trees and clouds in the horizon. And I smiled.

I’m not sure if there’s some big life lesson to be learned about this. If doesn’t come to you right in the way and the place you want, to stop looking around so desperately for it, and instead be patient and let time take it’s course? Maybe not. But either way, today I got what I wanted, even if it was right there I started out looking for it.

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Something that brings me joy

Something I missed loads while being at the hospital for nearly two weeks. Family and friends were able to visit, but this.. no. There wasn’t any of this beautiful nature.

I don’t know what it is exactly, but it just fills me with hope and joy when I see stuff like this. I can feel the sun kiss my skin, I can feel the touch of the flowers and fresh leaves on my fingers and I can smell the fresh air.

Disclaimer: Photos/Gifs found on tumblr a while ago. 

Casting light on what’s beautiful

There’s even beauty in the dead flowers. Maybe there’s beauty in me too then.

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My brother-in-law has borrowed my camera, so this sudden burst of inspiration only came out through the lens of my phone. I still like it. It’s details. It’s colour and light.

Wish I had a background..

Favourite place, part two

IMG_2295.JPGBornholm, Denmark. Fall. (Photocredit: lifeofachickpea)

Last time I told you about this place I didn’t tell you everything about why I like it so much. But here goes part two.

The photo sort of says it all. It’s a place where two very different forests meet. There’s a clear line between them, and it’s filled with contrast.
One is bright, free and happy while the other is dark, closed and impossible to enter.

It’s almost like good and bad, side by side, so close to each other, but so different that they’ll never unite.
The contrast. Black and white. Good and bad. Bright and dark.

I like seeing it like that. They’re beautiful in each their own way, and together even more maybe. It makes me think, but it also brings me closure in some way. I can’t even explain. Maybe some of you feel the same and can explain it to me?

I don’t need to fully know why I like it so much. I just do. I appreciate it and I never forget it.

Favourite place (One of..)

IMG_2270.JPGBornholm, Denmark. Fall. (photocredit: lifeofachickpea)

Don’t think this needs all that much of an explanation.

It’s one of my favourite places.
It’s beautiful.
It’s calm.
It’s peaceful.
It’s special.
It’s free.

My mind can wander when I’m there. Or it can settle down. There’s no judgement – no expectations.

It’s far away. I only go there around once a year, but I love that time. Always in the fall so the leaves are colourful and the sun shines so beautifully.

Feeling depressed, but with hope

It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.

– Confucius.

Seeing stuff like this makes me feel down. Especially when I don’t have a great day. Words like these makes me feel like the world is out to get me, trying to make my life worse than it is. And it gets very hard for me to see anything positive in life. (more…)