Appreciate peace!

How’s it the saying goes, you only realise how much you want it after it’s gone?

Eight days ago my roommate moved out, and since then there’s been no piece and quiet. The couple that own the place have been here ever since. Working away on what I don’t even know. Well, part of it. They’ve spent time cleaning and changed a few cupboards, which I admit is nice. Over-all, they’ve just been here. Doing stuff. And then my new roommate moved in yesterday. So there’s been a lot of hammering and talking, discussions and all in all, just disturbing the peace that I usually feel in my home.

It’s normally really quiet, and appreciate that. but after this week of disturbance I really miss it!

People moving around in the apartment makes me tense all over. I don’t know what they’re gonna do, if they’re doing stuff that will concern me or if they will knock on my door.

Living with a roommate I’ve learned to relax while hearing the normal noises from that, the stove going, the toilet being flushed and stuff like that. But this, boxes being unpacked and furniture being moved, it stresses me out.

I can’t seem to relax like this. But there’s hope. I think roomie will take a few days to settle in, but then I believe the piece and quiet will settle over the apartment again, and I’ll be able to relax and calm down properly again.

First post of 2018

You know that feeling, when you have something you want to do, but somehow you’re building it up in your head, preparing for it, studying it.. ultimately building it up so much that the pressure of doing it, makes you avoid it?

Yeah. That’s how I feel about my lifestyle change right now – or weight loss journey.

I started around April 2016. I started from 103 kgs and actually managed to come down to 88 kgs in a healthy way. But.. then came a hard time with sickness, a hospital stay and a loss of energy after the sickness period that took months to recover from. Mixed with that was also a general lack of energy to focus on this as I also struggled with my mental health, battling anxiety and depression at the same time. And also, I hate to admit, I became lazy.

The result of that was that I slowly gained weight again, and now, January 2018 I am back at 100 kgs. I have a desire to lose the weight again – I need to cause I do have that dental surgery in a year or two, but I still cant focus on it properly. I recently went through my storage of food and sent all the unhealthy stuff to my mum and sister. It does help a bit, but I just go buy stuff when I want it. At least though, I’m buying a little bit at the time and not a huge bag of candy that I then finish.

I know the ins and outs of weight loss, but it’s so hard to start again. I remember thinking that it wasn’t so hard once I was up and going. I had it easier saying no to candy and limiting my portion sizes and generally eating healthier, but right now it just seems like a huge step.

It’s built up in my head. I have built it up.

In fact I know what I should be doing. I should make a plan.

Look at my old meal plan and make a plan for the next few days. Not a general plan but a precise plan of what I’m going to eat during the next couple of days. I think I can manage that. If not, I’ll go back and see what else I can try.

Here’s to trying! 

Journey towards a better health!

“That is what is going to get me back to the gym. It is not the dream that some day I might be buff or all skinny – it is the smile on my face from the pride that I take from it. From the fact that I, the fat loner girl, can take a step towards even better things, just from going to the gym once more.”

In some of my previous posts I’ve mentioned my weight loss journey – it’s still going on.

The point of my journey is not to become totally fit or buff and show off a ton of muscles. It’s much more down to earth. Much more simple.

I want to be healthy.

Since I’ve started I’ve become healthier and that’s going in the right direction. Sadly, I’ve been challenged a lot in 2017 with different things so far and it has affected my ability to focus on my lifestyle. I have become more lazy with my food and I have not had the extra energy to do the exercise I wish I did.

These last few weeks I wont even say that I’ve lived healthier than I did a year ago, but the thing is – the great thing – is that it’s not the norm anymore. These last few weeks have been abnormal compared to how I live now. Burgers and fries aren’t a part of a usual week for me anymore! That’s a victory!

Honestly, this is the first time I’ve put this perspective on myself and how I live – and it just might be the way to get me back on track. I slipped up. I did. But the only terrible thing about that would be if that slip up kept me away from going back on track. Cause I was on the way towards something really good!

Healthy might not be right around the corner, but I’m so much closer than I was a year ago and that’s amazing. It’s not always about how far you’ve got to go, but how far you’ve already come. How far I have come.

That is what is going to get me back to the gym. It is not the dream that some day I might be buff or all skinny – it is the smile on my face from the pride that I take from it. From the fact that I, the fat loner girl, can take a step towards even better things, just from going to the gym once more.


A question for you

This is simple. What do you do on those days when everything seems meaningless? Just a day when you wanna throw in the towel, stay in bed forever and not do any of the things that are expected of you.

I’ve been having a few too many of those days lately, so I am honestly looking for advice.

Getting back into the healthy routine

After getting two surgeries done in 2017 – and now almost done with the pains after them, it’s time for me to get back into the healthy lifestyle I had going for fall 2016.

This is a list for myself, and I thought I would share it with you:

  1. Go to the gym again (at least twice a week)
  2. Weigh myself once a week
  3. Eat 1600 kcal each day (plus my 700 extra each week)
  4. Go on a daily walk


25 questions for me


1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed Closed. Is a thing?

2. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? A great idea for a future BulletJournal page!

3. Do you sing in the shower? Rarely. I don’t like the thought of anyone hearing me.

4. What inspires you? Seeing others being really enthusiastic and dedicated towards a case.

5. Would you bungee jump? Doubtful. Very doubtful.

6. Do you have any pets? No. Honestly not a pet person, but I do enjoy cuddling with my parents’ cat when I’m there.

7. What book are you reading? None right now. I want to start one though!

8. Last book you read? Harry Potter and The Cursed Child

9. Are you a sports fan? Yes! Barcalona football. Denmark for pretty much any other sport.

10. Last Person You Talked To On The Phone? My mum.

11. Favourite foods? Pizza! Ham, cheese, pineapple, kebab.

12. Mountain Hideaway or Beach House? Mountain Hideaway.

13. Last thing you listened to? “Can’t Stop the Feeling” – Justin Timberlake.

14. Growing up, which were you favourite cartoons? Disney ones – cartoons inspired of the movies, such as The Lion King and Aladdin.

15. What are you listening to now? “Say Something” – A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera

16. Relationship Status? Single.

17. Biggest Fear? Losing my loved ones.

18. Dream destination? None in particular, I’d just love to see more of the world. Big cities in particular. But also the special places that only natives know about.

19. Are you in school? If so what are you studying? I’m not. I kinda should be though..

20. What is your favourite song at the moment? Instrumental song is: “Always With Me” by Itsumo Nando from the movie Spirited Away.

21. Favourite Movie? Pride and Prejudice.

22. Favourite color? Green. Pastel green.

23. Where do you want to be in 5 years? With with a guy. And an education/a job I like going to every day.

24. Batman or superman? I’ve watched too much Big Bang Theory to dare answering this type of question!

25. Who is your favourite villain? Generally I hate them. Always get in the way of my happy ending.


Introducing, Chickpea!


I thought it was time for you to meet me. Even if it is in a far away, no face kind of way. Maybe later you’ll see more, but for this time being, I just wanted to show that I am a real person.
I, at 26, am the eldest with two younger siblings. That comes with both joys and responsibilities. But I wouldn’t change a thing about it. My parents are married on their 28th year and as far I as I can tell, they’re happy. I aspire to look at my life the way they do.

I battle depression and social anxiety, have done for at least 3 years now. It’s hard, I have both good days and very bad days, but lately there seem to be a few more good days and that’s at least something to remember.
Writing here and sharing my feelings on this blog helps me a lot right now. I think a lot as a person, instead of talking it through. But I can feel myself getting things out of my system as I type it out. In the same way, I can also feel a bit of weight being lifted off my shoulders when I read other people’s blogs  and see that I’m not alone in feeling like this. I’m not the first, not the last – and people have gotten better.

I struggle with moving on from being a teenager to growing up properly. ‘Properly’ as in what I expected of myself when I was younger, and as in what society expects of me. I have a basic gymnasium education – and was planning to move onto university after but I’ve had a lot of struggles with this, and so far it seems like university experience might play a big bart in my mental health issues. I don’t know where I’m going with my life, and at 26 this is big struggle for me, as everyone else seem to have a path laid out.
But I’m not giving up on this either. I’m gonna find my way through. No one dictates when you’re supposed to have your life together with a steady income, job – house – family – stuff. It’s up to me, and I am gonna go at a pace that suits me, even if it is hard sometimes.

Anxiety, depression, weight loss and compartmentalizing. 

People who’s been reading my blog might have seen that when I write about my ongoing weight loss journey I don’t mention my mental health. And when I write about anxiety and depression I don’t mention weight loss. The reason for that, or one of them, is that they are very different things and when I think about each thing they don’t inflict each other. (more…)


As you might have read in my earlier posts about the subject Part #1 and Part #2, it was hard for me to get into the habits of healthy eating instead of eating lots of candy and generally buying unhealthy foods.

But first, a disclaimer: I wanna say that I’m not an expert on any of this. I’m not educated and the only experience I have is what I’ve felt on my own body, heard from others and read online. I’m still a work in progress also, so my ways might change as time passes.

My big weakness is candy, chips (crisps) and white bread – amount with pizza and burgers. (more…)