I’m a vulnerable person. And I’m sensitive. I take things to heart and I pay too much attention to other people opinions – especially if they’r opinions about me.
Sometimes I wish I could know what people say about me when I’m not around.
Do they worry about me? Do they think I behave in a weird way? Do they like me? And even in that case, so they like me as much as I like them? Do they need me? Do they miss me when I’m not around? Can they see that I’m feeling bad when I try to hide it away? What do they notice about me? What is my trademark as a person?
I’m pretty sure knowing this would both be a huge confident boost and a kick in the face. I’m not sure I’d be able to handle this information, no matter how much I might want to hear it. Cause knowledge can hurt. And it can burn bridges between people. It can also build bridges, but more often than not, someone will get hurt from sharing too much.
Actually, the fact that I think like that is not something I like about myself. It seems rather cynical and that’s usually not how I think about myself. I’m usually positive and an optimistic realist.
It’s probably the realist talking – and the real optimists might then call me a pessimist, but too much information can lead to terrible things. Obviously, I’m not saying hold back everything and bite your tongue. I’m just pointing out that oversharing and thinking as if nothing has bad consequences might lead to something you will regret later. YOLO (You Only Live Once) is not a thing for me. I live as if there is a day tomorrow, a year after the next, and as I believe, hopefully another (better) life after this one.
So, say what you think will help the people around you, share the good – and think if the negative you might feel will help anyone around you. Be real in what you say, but consider it first. Does the person have a chance to fix it? Will the person want to change for you? Will it have any impact? If not then I say, think hard about if it’s actually worth saying and sharing.
…. Honestly, this stream of thought just came out. And I found myself smiling a little bit more as I kept going on writing. I have hope for tomorrow and the future. I have hope that my friends actually like me – and that people around me genuinely like me. I also have doubts – but for today, let’s just focus on the hope.