Exposed (part one maybe?)

How private are you guys?

I’m a very private person – except, I guess, on this blog. I don’t open up very easily and I really need to trust people before letting them know any personal stuff.

I think it comes down to a control issue for me. I want to be in control as much as I possibly can, also when it comes to which people know what about me. And I might also have to admit that I also like to control what part of me people see – so that I can control part of what they think of me, if at all possible.

I don’t want people to see me fail. Failing is too close to being a failure. Except, it’s not! It is one example of how my brain works against my feelings. Cause I know that one fail – or even several wont make you a failure, but often, a fail will make me feel like a failure.

When people see stuff like that in me, it makes me feel exposed. Very exposed. Like they’ve been let in to see more than I’ve allowed, more than I can handle. More than I can control. That makes me uncomfortable. Being exposed.

It makes me vulnerable and fragile. And it ruins my control.

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6 comments

  1. Sounds like you’ve been hurt before. Wish I had some sage advice, but I can’t think of anything. Glad you’ve found an outlet in your blog. It does help to express our feelings — it’s easier to examine them then.

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