Introducing, Chickpea!

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I thought it was time for you to meet me. Even if it is in a far away, no face kind of way. Maybe later you’ll see more, but for this time being, I just wanted to show that I am a real person.
I, at 26, am the eldest with two younger siblings. That comes with both joys and responsibilities. But I wouldn’t change a thing about it. My parents are married on their 28th year and as far I as I can tell, they’re happy. I aspire to look at my life the way they do.

I battle depression and social anxiety, have done for at least 3 years now. It’s hard, I have both good days and very bad days, but lately there seem to be a few more good days and that’s at least something to remember.
Writing here and sharing my feelings on this blog helps me a lot right now. I think a lot as a person, instead of talking it through. But I can feel myself getting things out of my system as I type it out. In the same way, I can also feel a bit of weight being lifted off my shoulders when I read other people’s blogs  and see that I’m not alone in feeling like this. I’m not the first, not the last – and people have gotten better.

I struggle with moving on from being a teenager to growing up properly. ‘Properly’ as in what I expected of myself when I was younger, and as in what society expects of me. I have a basic gymnasium education – and was planning to move onto university after but I’ve had a lot of struggles with this, and so far it seems like university experience might play a big bart in my mental health issues. I don’t know where I’m going with my life, and at 26 this is big struggle for me, as everyone else seem to have a path laid out.
But I’m not giving up on this either. I’m gonna find my way through. No one dictates when you’re supposed to have your life together with a steady income, job – house – family – stuff. It’s up to me, and I am gonna go at a pace that suits me, even if it is hard sometimes.

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