My anxiety and depression

This is a big step.. I’ve never been particular open about my anxiety or my depression before.

Tomorrow there will be a post about how it all started – or how it all started as far as I know. I’ve recently started going to a new psychologist who is talking more about childhood and stuff and I have a feeling we might see that it’s all started before I think it has.

My symptoms are usually: Stomach aches, headaches, shivering all over, voice cracking, crying, need to be alone, need to be at home.

My anxiety and my lack of ability to handle it eventually made me quit my education and pull back from all social activities. I started having a hard time going out, even to buy groceries or to see my best friends. The only people I let myself be around was my close family, but I would keep it a secret how badly I felt and how isolated I’d become. Today they know how I feel and I’ve gotten treatment. Or I started treatment.

And that’s kinda where I am now. Trying to get better, taking medicine and seeing my doctor and psychologist regularly. The last 10 months I’ve been seeing a psychology-student who’d was nearly educated, and that helped me so much! She was around my own age, and at first I doubted her a little bit. But quickly I found that I could easily talk to her, I trusted her and she saw me and helped me sort out my thoughts and feelings. I got more aware of myself and how I felt, but somehow it was more awareness than treatment. We focused on where I were right then – not why it had become that way. And actually I’m glad we did it like that. She graduated but didn’t have the opportunity to continue to see me, so I started seeing a new one. This time, an older, more experienced female psychologist who fit all my stereotypes about psychologists. Truly did. First meeting she started out with the classic, “So tell me about your childhood..”.

Honestly I’m not completely sure she gets me yet. I’ve met with her three times, so it’s okay that we’re still getting used to each other. And actually, last time I felt like we were going somewhere. It’s a slow process though. But progress is great. Any progress at all.

The last few months I’ve started challenging myself. Going out to be social. Meeting with people and not cancelling on them. Going grocery shopping even when I knew the stores wouldn’t be empty. It’s hard. But I do get victories! And that’s how I keep pushing myself. I allow myself time to get over the hard and bad experiences, but then I challenge myself again – and focus on all the small victories!

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